Evening Lovelies,

Getting older comes to us all. I might not yet be an OAP, but i’ve reached my fifties with a head that thinks it’s thirty, a mind that behaves as if it’s twenty, and a body that is occasionally sixty, or even beyond!

Why is it the body that lets us down first? I’m not someone who has abused it terribly.

I’ve never smoked or taken drugs.

I like a social drink, but don’t drink daily.

I like food, am partial to chocolate and crisps, but I certainly don’t eat takeaways every week.

I like a walk and also what I call  ‘dancing’, although professionals might refer to my style of moving as something very different!

My exercise is admittedly gentle, I sadly don’t run or get my heart pumping at the gym. A car accident and having a traumatic natural birth with my eldest son has taken it’s toll on my body.

I also think my life is probably more stressful than some, but hey, who am I to judge?

It made me think about the ageing body giveaway signs and the problems it entails.

If you are not there yet, this is what you’ve got to look forward to  ( based on MY experiences of course!) and if you’ve been and gone, you can probably sympathise!

1- Failing eyesight.

  • Thinking you put on black leggings and realising you are in fact wearing navy
  • Not spotting the sticky, dribbled toothpaste on the front of your jumper and in your hair when you go to work and then having the white marks pointed out
  • not noticing the colour of your make up pencil colour. PInk lip liner on your eyes and black eyeliner round your lips is not, repeat NOT a great look
  • Walking out of the front door in the dark and walking straight into a tree branch. Yes I did this
  • Finding you arrive at work wearing clothes inside out with labels on display and need to change in order to put clothes on the right way
  • Needing several pairs of glasses to manage failing eyesight
  • Needing humungous bag to hold several pairs of glasses
  • having sloping shoulders due to carrying humongous bag
  • using two pairs of glasses and never quite knowing which pair you pick up causing vision issues and strained eyes
  • having to fashion glasses either on the end of your nose, top of your head or hanging round your neck
  • not being able to read a book in dimmed light
  • not being able to see who is waving at you in the distance
  • waving at complete strangers because when blurred they look familiar
  • not being able to distinguish from afar people’s facial expressions. I think they are smiling, they are in fact scowling
  • RIsking contamination of glasses when pond dipping, toilet cleaning or anything involving close water inspections due to the strong risk of them falling off and into germ ridden,  dirty water

2- Hot Flushes

  • Finding you open the doors of fridges and freezers, pause and enjoy
  • Looking feverish or as if you’ve been drinking heavily at random moments in the day
  • increased sweatiness and over use of deodorant
  • thick jumper dresses and polo necks no longer a clothing option
  • layering an essential fashion choice
  • Sitting next to men who think the reason you are hot is because you fancy them
  • letting said men down
  • Duvet flapping and leg flaying at night
  • The taking of daily morning tablets doubles in volume to include Sage and Menopace
  • Sitting next to a fire or radiator requires taking off and putting on of clothes many times
  • Non drink related use of an ice cube to aid cooling

3- Loss of Balance

  • When putting your legs in your knickers is like threading a needle with a small eye, you keep missing
  • when you have to sit down to put trousers or leggings on
  • when you fall over just trying to stand up
  • when you grunt at the effort of picking something up from the floor
  • when wearing high heels becomes an impossibility
  • when just walking requires a risk assessment
  • when a wall becomes your new best friend
  • when you have to crawl on all fours to get yourself up off the floor
  • when standing on one foot is an impossibility
  • when bending down ends up with you toppling over. Have you seen me falling into a Marquee?

4- Lack of Bladder Control

  • when the thought of getting a cold has an added dread
  • when the location of toilets at all times is a priority
  • when trampolining and continual jumping is an activity of the past
  • when laughing hysterically requires tight leg crossing
  • when you can only drink a lot of water at home
  • when tena lady becomes one of your handbag essentials
  • when a stiff front door gets immediate attention, so you can ensure quick access to the toilet on returning home
  • when coughing and walking is no longer a successful combination of activities
  • when waiting until the last minute to go to the toilet means you walk like a 3 year old about to wet themselves

Getting old comes to us all, but some just seem to do it better than others! It’s not going well for me…

Honestly Fiona xxx