Evening lovelies,

This week flew by and my classroom is chaotic!

It’s Tuesday and feels like Friday! Worryingly,  I came home from work, looked for my iPad in my handbag, couldn’t find it so returned to work only to be rung by my husband who said it was sitting on the bed upstairs where I left it!  I’m hoping my forgetfulness is the strain of a hard day and not the first signs of altzheimers!

Teaching and working with small children is the most rewarding job, but also the most exhausting and frustrating. At the moment they are testing my patience and I find myself repeating the same words over and over again as though I’m speaking a foreign language and difficult to understand.

My husband struggles, but that is a different issue altogether.img_9020

“What sounds are in the word hen?” I ask in a phonics lesson when we are blending CVC words that I have gone over several times already. When the reply is ” cluck cluck” I know my work is seriously cut out!

” You need to go to the toilet” I say to a child before we are about to walk down the corridor to the hall for a marathon rehearsal session. WIth that the child pulls down his trousers in the MIDDLE of the classroom!

Staff quickly raise their voices to prevent any other garments being removed and usher him quickly in the direction of the toilets, relieved the class didn’t get an underage version of the Full Monty! Oh the joy of 5 year olds.

Nativity rehearsals are well under way for ‘Christmas Counts’, our Reception play. I’m counting and wishing we had longer.

Mary, Joseph and the donkey do a lot of travelling, the stars a lot of torch shining, the angels a lot of hip shaking., the sheep a lot of baaing, Caesar a lot of shouting, the camels and wise men a lot of riding up and down and the census takers a hell of a lot of knocking!

Asking one of our LSA’s out loud if she had her knockers ready,  just as we are about to start the performance was not wise in front of close to the edge hysterical members of staff.

The Great British Bake Off theme tune has found it’s way into our performance. We are working on one villager child saying in Paul Hollywood whistlestyle ” ugh it’s got a soggy bottom” even though he is biting into a plastic cake, as hard as rock, and saying it more in the style of Paul O’ Grady!

Wednesday brought my playground duty and the need to wear a whistle. I place it round my neck and a SEN child comes up and asks “please can I have a little blow?” Without thinking my reply is ” no, I’m afraid it is Mrs S who does the blowing!” Suddenly, my close to the edge colleagues are  giving me a reputation I really don’t deserve!

A child who was struggling to write his name had a go at copying it on a whiteboard. So proud of his achievements,  a staff member took a photo of him holding the board under his chin and suddenly a vision of Jean Valjean 24601 came to mind. She smiled and said quietly to another member of staff ” it looks like he’s having a photo with numbers on it!” The child overheard and said ” these aren’t numbers you know they are LETTERS!” Of course they are, what silly teachers!

Thursday brought outside moderation and a stressful, intensive day. I was relieved to end the day vaguely smiling and finally reaching Friday.

snapchat-my-work-cut-outFriday required more Nativity rehearsal, working on individual scenes and encouraging the use of voice projection. We now have a voice that is so loud deaf grandparents would hear and jump from their seats. Sadly,  it is devoid of any expression whatsoever! We also have the voice that can now shout one word at a time, but the process seems to wipe all other words from his memory! The end result is louder, but rather stilted, requires support and takes forever. Thank goodness at aged 5 whilst they might not have the X factor, they have the cuteness factor!

Rehearsals finished and a colleague said to an autistic child “are you exhausted?” His reply ” No, I’m  Fred”.

Well, I’m exhausted, but unfortunately felt the need for one pub club drink and an Upstage dance rehearsal!

The drink was to congratulate myself on surviving another tough week and the rehearsal was a necessity as ageing memory is struggling to remember one dance from two weeks ago, let alone several from six months ago!

How are my shrinking and disappearing brain cells supposed to remember several simple Nativity dances and an equal number of complicated Upstage dances at the same time? I haven’t got the x factor, cuteness factor and I don’t think ‘getting on a bit’ factor is really a selling point for a dance show!

When the teacher jokingly asked if anyone had L plates for me to wear during the show in May, it confirmed to me my brain cells are at present super overloaded!

Never mind Christmas counts,  it is Christmas and classroom chaos!

Honestly Fiona xxx