I have been on the quiet side recently and it is not just because I’ve been under the weather and lost my voice, although I have been croaky and surprisingly silent. I have had the blogging blues and taken some time out to reflect.
Losing my voice was why I started to blog. I’m a talker, actually more of a rambler or mutterer!
I find something to say about most things. When that is your character, not being able to speak is at most frustrating, and often quite depressing. I couldn’t talk, so I started to write.
I found writing quite therapeutic. I was watching less and less TV and it was easy to dip in and out of ‘chatting’ on my blog. I could even do it sitting down, which eased my problematic back. I decided it helped my increasingly shocking memory and I had this morbid, but reassuring thought that when I was dead and gone my family would have some of my memories, thoughts, life story and personality through my blog post chat!
I know that some friends and family found my lighthearted ramblings about life, reason to smile. Others, I’m sure found them irritating, unnecessary and obsessive. I appreciate what I have to say is rarely intelligent and some might think it pointless. At times I wholeheartedly agree, but I was happy at first, if someone read my musings and found reason to smile or even counted themselves lucky they were not me!
Recently, I have started to doubt myself. Over thinking and believing people judge me, for what I do, say and write. I suppose everyone has moments where confidence disappears and self belief wavers, this is obviously one of my moments!
When I began my blog I thought it would be easy to get followers. I gradually realised there are thousands of blogs out there, people are busy and not really interested in my little old life. I thought I would try different style of posts with Wish Wednesday and Five Friday Favourites, but I couldn’t maintain the weekly speed of writing and buying things to test as favs. I was too slow and took too long. I tried Honestly Fiona Vlogs which I enjoyed filming, but relied on my husband to edit and he was too busy doing his own work for it to become a regular thing.
When I first started I knew this might be an issue , but thought that slowly and gradually I would get there. . . I’ve sadly failed! I haven’t the time to do loads of reading and research, life is busy, I can only just about manage blogging!
Liaising with other bloggers is apparently the way forward if I had the time and knowhow, but I don’t, and I haven’t a clue what Twitter chat is all about?!
Twitter users seem to be a fickle bunch who follow and unfollow and sometimes I have found myself getting caught up in it, which I don’t like.
I suddenly became like Bridget Jones, worrying if I was losing followers, thinking I was doing something wrong, deciding I must be useless at writing, questioning if I was writing too much, too little, if my photos were useless and resigning myself to the belief I must be terribly boring.
I started to question if it was a waste of time writing a blog when no one apart from a couple of lovely friends and my supportive Mother in law were the only people occasionally reading it!
Its been half term and have had time to relax. I dusted the blues away and pondered a while. People have started to ask why I have stopped blogging so much.
After some thought I have decided to continue, but make some changes. Blogging has to work for me, it has to put me under no pressure and I have to continue to enjoy it!
I have decided to take away the daily blog categories which put pressure on me to finish or find a post by a certain day. Instead I have made them general, so I can write a blog and re share it on other days should I wish to. Some weeks I might write several posts, others, none at all. It will depend on how I feel and how busy my life is. I am going to try and not stress about it.
I am grateful to those who continue to read, support, like and share Honestly Fiona.
Onwards and upwards,
Honestly Fiona xx